When you find something you really enjoy, do it slowly
I've found myself highlighting so many advices after reading the books that I am at lost when trying to regroup my thoughts on the book. So I re-read these advices again and broadly group them into several topics. Even after that I still find some advices so special that they need special attentions.
All in all, I love the space of thoughts created by this form of writing. It allows me to come back effortlessly when stuck. A great book.
Whenever you have a choice between being right or being kind, be kind. No exceptions. Don't confuse kindness with weakness
Always be kind, not only to your friends but also to people that are mean to you. Show love and curiosity to those close to you and try to understand their perspectives. Even those who offend you deserve kindness, for they are often bound by their nature and may not understand what's right.
In fact, it's even more important to be kind to people you don't love because even though only 0.01% of people hate you on this earth, that would still be 800,000 people (always remember the vice versa is also true. There always will be people that love you). Dealing with people not in sync with you is an opportunity to make lemonade out of lemons.
More often, people who seem to hate us may just have different values or be going through a difficult time. Marcus Aurelius said something truly stunning:
Kindness is invincible, but only when it's sincere, with no hypocrisy or faking. For what can even the most
malicious person do if you keep showing kindness and, if given the chance, you gently point out where they
went wrong - right as they are trying to harm you?
Be kind to people and genuine appreciation and care can work wonders in any relationship, whether with friends, family, or colleagues. In addition to voicing out our praise for the things we are thankful for, I think people will also feel our genuine care for them. Genuine care of people means thinking in their world and understanding why they believe in something, right or wrong. And in either case, kindness is always the right response.
You are what you do. Not what you say, not what you believe, not how you vote, but what you spend your time on
This is very relatable for me. I've read and listened a lot but I struggle to turn beliefs into action. I talk and dream about my goals, but I hesitate and procrastinate when it comes to taking real steps.
One reason for this is that talking is easy, and forming perfect ideas in our heads is also always easy. But when dreams encounter reality, I am afraid of the ugliness of even the shortest text I write so I linger on talking and dreaming and never step forward. And also another reason is the lack of a clear method for internalizing and applying the concepts I learn. I believe this is a common problem for many people, as evidenced by the abundance of books on fighting procrastination.
In fact, Tim Urban wrote a great post on Procrastination in which he gave a great graphical explanation of why we procrastinate. But this is a lengthy battle because even Tim himself, after writing the brilliant post suggesting how to beat procrastination, still procrastinates when writing his new book What's Our Problem.
My comforting antidote is found in one of the letters from Moral Letters to Lucilius written by Seneca. In Letter 20: On Practicing What You Preach, he writes:
What is wisdom? Always desiring the same things, and always refusing the same things
your opinions on one subject can be predicted from your opinions on another you may be in the grip of an ideology. When you truly think for yourself your conclusions will not be predictable
I was intrigued by a theory called Multimodal User Interface Theory introduced to me in Donald Hoffman's TED Talk. According to Wikipedia, the theory suggests that:
perpetual experiences do not match or approximate
properties of the
objective world, but instead provide a simplified, species-specific, user interface to that world.
In other words, our brains will reconstruct reality and use perceptions as an interface to increase our chances of survival and have the best fitness. So it effectively means that I can create a self-fulfilling prophecy, believing that I will be a millionaire soon and ultimately it may enable me to take actions that make me a true millionaire.
This has basically opened a new world for me. While philosophers like the Stoics have talked about the importance of controlling our perceptions, this theory provides a practical approach to defining our own reality and choosing perceptions that work for us.
If I accept this theory, that means I have the full option of defining my own UI for my reality (Not proven to work on logic and mathematics). I can look at different perceptions and choose them like plug-ins as I see fit. Sounds like a superpower to me, if it's not used blindly, because some people take in beliefs lightly without careful examinations.
Kevin Kelly's advice is a mindful reminder on this aspect: Don't believe in ideology. Think for yourself.
By coincidence, in a recent interview of Derek Sivers done by Tim Ferriss, Derek talked about his idea of Radical Skepticism:
In other words, while we have the freedom to shape our perceptions, we must be careful to select the things that truly work in our favour. We need to use the freedom to think diligently, think by the first principle and derive the correct interpretation of reality by ourselves.
Before going over other related pieces of advice in the book, I need to remind myself of the concept of Radical Acceptance (or Netflix's Radical Transparency), which means honestly and objectively accepting everything that's happening, no more and no less. While this may look like a direct contradiction of radical skepticism, to me they should be the yin and yang. We must find out and admit the hard rules and hard truths before we can work our way around and design our UIs. Without an acceptance of the facts, all perceptions are nothing but mirages.
In this connection, I found three great bits of advice (or perceptions) as great plug-ins:
Have you ever felt a strange sense of anxiety while doing something you love? I have. I keep thinking about when it will end and how I can complete it methodically, turning it into a routine rather than a true experience. I have not figured out this origin of this sense of insecurity, but I learn gradually that We shouldn't rush through the things we love just to get them done. Instead, we should slow down and savor every moment. We should immerse ourselves in the experience, feel the emotions, and appreciate the details. Life is too short to treat our passions like checkboxes on a to-do list. We should embrace them fully, without worrying about when they'll end. We should cherish the memories we create and the lessons we learn.
The documentary Stutz highlights a fascinating perspective on reality, suggesting that pain, uncertainty, and work are three fundamental aspects of life. Similarly, in Man's Search for Meaning, Viktor Frankl emphasizes that overcoming suffering can be meaningful for mankind. It all comes down to how we interpret pain and the stories we tell ourselves about it.
Pain and suffering are inevitable parts of life, but it is how we respond to them that defines us. We can choose to see pain as an opportunity for growth, a chance to learn and become stronger. We can choose to embrace uncertainty as an opportunity for adventure and exploration. We can choose to see work as a means to achieve our goals and contribute to society. Ultimately, it's all about the story we tell ourselves about our experiences. By reframing our perspective, we can find meaning and purpose in even the most difficult experiences.
Both pessimists and optimists seem to survive well enough, otherwise, one of them would have been eliminated by Mother Nature. But an optimist has the added advantage to face failure better. He understands life is a game of statistics that we would win some and lose some, but ultimately we will win more often than we lose. This mindset is powerful because it allows me to face setbacks with resilience and hope for a brighter future.
As Morgan Housel said:
Real optimists don't believe that everything will be
great. That's complacency. Optimism is a belief that the odds of a good outcome
are in your favour over time, even when there will be setbacks along the way
This is the kind of optimism we should strive for, it's about having faith in the universe and the kindness of humanity.
When apologising, be regretful, admit responsibility and provide a remedy. I interpret it as "I am sorry. It's my fault. I will make you up".
A remedy to this highly efficient, productivity-first society. Implement deliberate counter measures against the fast-track culture.